I hate having to serve the bitch that slept with my man and act like I don’t know about that shit.

when was the last time we were happy like that?

You are beautiful- so much more than all those other girls that don’t appreciate a real relationship. They can lie and cheat on the ones they sleep next to every night but you can’t. You won’t. You are beautiful because when you love someone, you love them with all you have, even when times get rough. You are beautiful because you stayed true to yourself, to your heart. You never slipped away and gave into temptations even when chances present itself. You are beautiful, from the inside out, and you deserve someone just as besutiful as you are. You deserve to be loved by someone who’s willing to sacrifice just as much as you. Don’t stay in a toxic relationship because you can and will do better. Carry yourself like a queen and you’ll attract the king. Don’t get off your thrown to address a peasant that’s not worth your time. He is not worth it. He is only temporary and you knew it deep down in your heart that he isn’t the one. Don’t be a coward and stay only because you’re afraid of letting go of familiarity. Explore your options. Open your eyes and see how big the world really is. And then you’ll discover, there are other beautiful people out there, just like you.

Today I made the right choice to let go. It hurt, but it was the best path to take. I’m not letting go because I don’t love you anymore, but because I knew this wasn’t what I wanted in a relationship. I want someone who’s faithful and truthful to me. I’m not blaming you, but I’m blaming myself for lying to myself all this time. I wanted to believe that if I gave everything I had, things would be the way they were when we first started. Reality is, we’ll never be the same because I will never look at you the same way. You’ve betrayed my trust, and I know deep down, I will never forgive you for that. Somehow, I lost myself trying to hold on to you. I’ve become overdependent on you and my whole life began to revolve around you. That’s not who I am. I need to better myself, to find myself back again. I need to be whole without you. It hurt to say that last goodbye because I know for sure, this was my determination to leave you behind. I still love you, matter of fact I always will. You will always have a place in my heart. Thank you, for consistently letting me down, for always being uncertain about our future together, for not pulling me back in when I say I’m leaving. Because of that, I finally had the courage to say… goodbye.

385 days, we went through all that we could’ve went through in these days. It took us just a little over a year to finally realize that we were not meant to be. That one Summer, that one Summer that I’ll never forget. It was never meant to be, it just happened. If I could go back to the day that I met you, I wish I have never spoken to you. Not because I hate you now, but because this lesson came with such a cost. I had a great time with you at the beginning of the relationship. Here and there at the last stages of our dying love, there were still sparks. But the pain you’ve caused em, it was far greater than the happiness I found with you.

From the very start, our relationship was scrutinized by the public circle- people were never happy with us being together. I always joked around that we’re a power couple, that it was us against the world because we fought this war alone. Turns out that all this time, I was on a one man team. But that’s okay, because I really tried everything I could’ve to make this work. I won’t beat myself at night for not taking those chances that were there. But chances were fading out and our patience was running out. I can’t say that I didn’t do everything that I could to keep our relationship. But this ship was built without a steady foundation; baby, you and I, we were born to die.

Bridges were burned, things were said. Lies were told, tears were shed.

I told you I was stubborn from the start. Once I had my mind on something, I’ll persist until every last bit of energy is drained out of me. I kept thinking that things haven’t changed, that you would be the same guy that I met that Summer day. I kept thinking that we would push through it all and be just the way we were before. But that was only my wish. That was never on your agenda. You didn’t intend to stay with me for that long. Even I was wrong to believe everything would be the same if we got back together. And I was in denial because I didn’t want to learn that lesson: that sometimes, it doesn’t matter how much effort you put into getting something back, once it’s gone, it’s gone for good. How could I be so blinded to think that it would be the same? The dynamics and chemistry has long been changed since you laid eyes on someone else. And since that day I told someone else I was single because I anticipated something more from someone else other than you.

Did you love me? I don’t doubt it. I really don’t. But do you still love me? No. You fell out of love with me. I just didn’t matter as much as I used to. I’m not the top of your priorities anymore. I don’t give you the same butterflies as you do to me.

This is a bittersweet goodbye, and if you’re reading this (which you probably won’t because you just don’t care at all anymore), then I’m letting you know that I’m not in denial anymore. I will face this head on like a real woman. Does it hurt? Of course it does. But am I sour over it? No, your rigid response was solid enough to knock me back into reality. And what’s my purpose of writing on this Tumblr you ask? Because I need somewhere to pour out my thoughts. My friends no longer want to listen to me on anything regarding the topic of you because they’ve heard it more than enough. I have no one to turn to but myself. That’s it for now, I’ll write more later when I get home.